Friday, July 25, 2008

It's in the Genes

Since way back when our eldest Son became a young man, I have thought that he inherited his redneckness from my side of the family. He instinctively liked to do the same things that I liked to do as a teenager. That was to go to Jackson County and just hang out in the deep woods.

While other girls my age were doing a lot of shopping and Malls were just coming into existence. I preferred going coon hunting, fishing or just driving around in God's country, if my cousin and I could talk her Dad into it. He never disappointed us. Even if it was in the middle of the night and he didn't have any spare batteries for his flashlight, us kids would just hold each other's hands and run through the woods after him and the coon dog.

Now back to my original thought, I am not a total redneck although I must admit I am mostly one. Just like today, when my Mother-in-law and my Husband's Aunt came to visit. I had perfect manners, I swept the chicken poo off of the front stoop. I consider my Husband's Mother a special guest and I don't mind going that extra mile for her.

My Mother-in-law won my heart years ago, when we were first married. She dropped in unexpectedly one day and told me that I didn't need to mop and wax the floors everyday as I had been doing. That totally changed my life. I don't think that I have mopped at all since then.

Now where was I? Oh, yes, my Son's bloodlines. After what happened tonight, I am not sure that all of our Son's quirks came from my side of the family.

We had gone to our youngest Son's house to see what they were putting in their garage sale tomorrow. They didn't have anything that I was interested in, until I saw the red wagon. I can't tell you how excited I was at the very sight of it. All goat herders should have a red wagon, they are perfect for hauling feed and water. Some goat herders flaunt their wagons, like a trophy. The really snooty ones have John Deere green wagons.

This wagon was purchased for my Granddaughters, it has fold up seats on each end, facing each other. It even has cup holders. This wagon will be perfect for hauling buckets in each seat. Now I can make just one trip and have everything that I need with me. My DH bought a very nice wheelbarrow that is light weight enough that I should be able to use it too.

We were on our way home, it was about 10:30 and we were driving on a country road at about the speed of light. When all of the sudden, our lights went out. Now when you are traveling at the speed of light and your headlights go out there is only one thing that you can do and that is slam on the brakes. This action tends to throw the new red wagon and wheelbarrow through the back glass of the truck. It would have been bad if it had broken that back glass because that would have been twice this year. The first time it was broken by a bale spear.

When my DH hit the dimmer switch the lights came back on and not wanting to lose his momentum, he accelerated back up to light speed. Then the lights went out for good. We managed to get stopped and he turned on the flashers, flashers tend to make me a little sick, when driving down the road at such high rates of speed.

This is where my Husband showed his true colors, he reached for the ever present spotlight, pushed the end into the cigarette lighter and out the window went his arm. This was just perfect, we had much better light than headlights could give.

The thing that really bothered me was that, I offered to get the spotlight and plug it in for him but he had to do it himself while flying down the road with only his dim blinkers for light but he wasn't watching the road anyway, so I guess it didn't matter.

We then noticed this strange, spooky whistle sound, this was bad because then he became focused on how the spotlight was whistling. I told him that they probably don't whistle like that when using them for a headlight at normal rates of speed but that the whistle was probably a warning than he was going too fast. He was still turning the spotlight all different angles to see if he could make different sounds and I resumed my important job of keeping us out of the ditches.

He hasn't always been this reckless, going a little too fast maybe but since he took a job as a rural mail carrier. His driving skills have suffered. He says he is a better driver but I don't think so. He does most of his driving with his left hand and left foot while sitting on the right hand side of the vehicle, with his hands constantly sorting mail and reaching into the back seat for more mail. He is a great multi-tasker. I think that he feels that he is a better driver because he has learned to drive without his eyes, he goes by feeling now.

Thank goodness that we only met one car with our new fangled headlight. The DH did point the spotlight off to the right hand side of the road, so as not to blind the poor guy but he still stopped his truck and froze in position at the sight of us, I hope it wasn't anyone we know.

Right before we got home, I asked him what he was going to do. His answers to me were the clincher of the whole matter. He said that we just weren't going to go anywhere after dark and then he said that he might have to think of something else to do before winter because his arm would get cold. So you see my dear Son, you came by it honestly.

(Edited to correct all of my errors, I obviously don't know my left hand from my right and sight is spelled s-i-g-h-t and not s-i-t-e. Let me know if I made any other errors.)
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